Bagel Uproar (From Last Friday)

Apparently, last week the bagel wizards only gave us a small amount of bagels, and the people who delayed their bagel consumption by an hour didn't have any to eat. I am a bagel shark, and therefore always get there as soon as they are spread out on the platter. I picked a delectable everything bagel. You know what they say, the early bird always gets the worm. As soon as 8:15 rolls around I "go to the bathroom," which is really just an excuse to go through the kitchen to see if the bagels have arrived. They are usually not there. I take a stroll out of the office, through the hallway, and then return to my cube. Our secretary extraordinaire called "The Bean Bag" (who I suppose can no longer really be called bagel wizards), explained the situation and demanded to know what happened to the rest of the bagels we paid for. The response on the other end was a simple "Ok." The manager was then put on the phone. He also said "Ok." It turns out he delivered the bagels, noted that "The bag did feel a little light," but did not think to check the bagel count. I do not think we were reimbursed for the lost bagels. Finally, today the bagels were delivered in a brown bag in a black trash bag. One editor was quoted as saying, "What the hell is this? Are they trying to make the bagels unappealing?" Yes, sir, I think that is what they are trying to do. The black bag in conjunction with a lack of bagels is creating huge problems around here. Livelihoods are being destroyed, stomachs are grumbling, people are grumbling. How do you write on a Friday without a bagel (or two...?) Bagels were toasted, but there was a sense of mistrust and annoyance lingering in the air along with the sweet smell of toasted doughy goodness.

We are in an uproar.